Saturday, June 2, 2012

Waiting To Die

I can't just pick things up where I left off and resume like nothing has changed. Recent events obviously have become a critical turning point in my life and have brought about a revolution of the mind within me. It's astounding how clear things have become. I also find myself embracing philosophies I'd disregarded before.

I'd always been a fan of Socrates and his various philosophies but I'd disregarded one almost entirely not any any principal or because I disagreed with it I'd just found it inefficient and irrelevant and in itself disregarding what I'd thought to be more important which was the future. The key concept was that you should live only in the moment, purely, entirely, and completely. By doing so the mind would be open to the truth of the world and everything in it. Not quite mindless but focus-less, you wouldn't fixate on any single thing but rather everything. I think of it now as more of a purity of life being released from everything that weighs you down.

My death wasn't a wake up call or a realization, in itself it did not bring me this revelation now stirring but rather convinced me to stop blindly walking the path I was on and look at the road itself. I'm not looking to where it leads because it's constantly moving and shifting, forming circles and angles that can't be seen by themselves nor through or past, instead I'm focusing solely on what the path is comprised of and what lies beyond its borders, the scenery if you will. I'm tempted to look back though, yet I don't for the answers I've received may have messages written on their backs that may not be in my best interest to know as of yet. I'm sure some day I will, however it's still too early for that.

On the specifics of why I was in Russia and how I got there I've found someone that has told me everything after breaking my nose with their foot. Though I'm not sure if even I believe it yet. I remember bits and pieces of it for sure which lends credence in their favor but I'll wait until I remember all of it for myself. To clarify I wasn't in a slide out little box I was in a walk in freezer type situation, which I thought was clear enough already but apparently at least one person was confused about that. Morgues generally have a few different ways and places they store bodies and when they're under a heavy load they just start stacking bodies on one another, thankfully I did have a space all to myself. When I woke up yes I was very stiff, in fact most if not all of my bones did crack and I thought I'd actually broken one at one point. They did let me keep my toe tag and death certificate as a souvenir. It's funny though, I was so sure that if I was going to die young it'd be here in Flint or in nearby Detroit.

Take tomorrow and live it fully without thinking even a few seconds into the future just do things at random if anyone asks you to do something make up your own mind but don't think about it just go with your first gut instinct. Feel free to share your thoughts, ideas, and suggestions.

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